Use functional refusal

Why this matters

Refusal is a full part of communication. When the learner has cards for "don't want", "take it away", "stop", they do not need to protest with behaviour to halt something unwanted. This lowers tension and makes the exchange two-way.

How to introduce

1. 1Keep in mind: at this step you work with feelings the learner finds unpleasant. So for practice pick only things the learner mildly dislikes, and never anything that frightens or traumatises them. If they are terrified of dogs, refusal is not practised on a dog.
2. 2Present anything the learner is learning to refuse only at a safe distance. A safe distance means the item is offered at arm's length and never brought up to the face, and the learner may become slightly wary but no more than that: no strong emotional outbursts or overload.
3. 3Introduce refusal cards: don't want, won't, don't like, take it away, move away, move over, stop.
4. 4Keep two different situations apart: a hard-to-reach item (high up, difficult to get — that calls for asking for help) and a forbidden item (it is not allowed — there the learner is learning to accept a refusal). They are not the same thing.
5. 5Take the refusal seriously: if the learner taps "take it away" — actually take it away. That way they see the word works.
6. 6Prompt refusal in the moments where there used to be a behaviour protest.

How to advance

Once refusal works across situations and the learner uses it instead of protesting, teach asking for help.

Common mistakes

• Ignoring functional refusal — then the learner goes back to protesting with behaviour.
• Practising refusal on something that genuinely frightens the learner or drives them to an outburst. There should be a motive to refuse, but no fear.
• Bringing the unpleasant thing right up to the face instead of keeping the safe arm's-length distance.

Examples

• "Don't want": the learner is eating ice cream and is offered disliked onion at arm's length — there is a reason to say "don't want", and the desired thing is right there.
• "Take it away": the learner is sensitive to smells — something strongly scented ends up nearby and they ask for it to be removed.
• "Move away": during a cartoon the adult briefly stands in front of the screen — but only if that does not upset the learner.
• "Move over": the adult casually stands in the passage the learner needs to walk through — so the learner needs to ask them to move over.